Miles To home
by Madame President
Summary: Temari ponders what it means to be Gaara's elder sister. inrtospective drabble. sand sibs fic, pairing implied, but nonesential


Disclaimer: If I owned in then it would be filled with kakairu.

Pairing note: implied gaalee, mentioned sasunaru and shikatema if you squint and turn your head, although it can be read as friendship, depending on what you ship.

Dedicated to the siblings of children with special needs.

A/N: au. Basically, descriptions of a car ride to a sleep away camp where the sand sibs spend their summers. Really just Temari's thoughts on the whole thing.

Miles to home

It wasn't easy ever easy being a big sister. Especially when you're Gaara's big sister. Kankuro had no memories of life before Gaara, but Temari did.

It was hard when Gaara was silent and harder when he screamed and cried and told you he hated you. It was hardest when Gaara looked at you and tried to smile, but couldn't quite get the muscles in his face to work with him.

_Shikamaru liked to look at clouds. There were clouds outside the window of the van. Baki had gotten it so that they could all fit with their luggage and Temari wouldn't have to be squished between her two brothers. She was lounging in the back seat, staring up at the clouds. She wondered how he was doing, if he had changed since the previous summer. Six inches away from her knees, Kankuro sat, sowing clothes for puppets and Garra twitched in silence. Temari counted the roadside markers, 103.6 miles to go._

There were days when Gaara refused to leave bed in the morning and there were days when he refused to get into to it at night. Twilight was peaceful, the medium where Gaara sat, his lips quirked slightly upward in what would have, perhaps in some other life time, been a smile. And Kankuro polished wooden marionettes. And Temari folded paper cranes and wondered what would become of all of them.

_87 miles to go and Gaara said he was hungry then fell mute. Baki said that they would stop at the next rest station. T was hard when Gaara walked apart from them and harder when a woman bumped into him and didn't even apologize when he screamed bloody murder and sank to the sticky floor. It was hardest when the snapped at Baki to control him._

Twilight lasted an eternity in the summer, which was why it was Temari's favorite season. That and the fact that she and her brothers were shipped off to camp for a month. Gaara had a friend, Naruto, one of the most popular boys there and she had Shikamaru, her lone friend while Kankuro hung out with Shino and Kiba. He hardly ever screams on the night of the full moon. Ha had once told her " when the moon is full, his blood boils," she had never asked who "he" was. On those nights, she watched the moon and listened to Gaara's far off roars and imagined listened to Kankuro and Naruto fighting to calm him down.

_Workers came and asked them to leave and Gaara screamed louder. It was hard when Gaara flailed and hit her, and it had harder when she held him close and he sobbed. It was hardest when, just as she stared detached, pondering the possibility of her breasts suffocating him, he raised his arms and hugged her back. They left. 86 miles to go._

The gossip of the week came when Sasuke, the resident emo kid who all the girls loved, simply walked up to Naruto and kissed him in front of everyone. It was a true landmark when Gaara watched, how lost his face had been, but he had lefty the scene without throwing a fit. Temari had gone to comfort him, but when she found him, she was already being held by rock lee. Temari smiled.

_It was a deadly ride to the next rest stop. It was hard holding her thirteen year old brother in her lap and harder when he whimpered. It was hardest when he looked up at her and said sorry. 63 miles to go._

_61 miles to go and they pulled into the rest station. In her opinion rest stops were an equalizer. There were no "nice" rest stops. Millionaires returning form their summer estates ate at the same cinnabun as slum kids in summer exchange programs, who ate with little boys with green eyes who screamed when the full moon rose. It was a nice thought._

Temari asked Shikamaru, one evening after dinner, what he thought love was. He answered "something nice, like how you feel about your brothers," she pondered this with paper cranes and marionettes. And sea green eyes.

_By 48 miles, Gaara had moved back into his own seat and Temari was asleep. Many of her dreams were muddled and confused, but one stood out clearly. It went as follows:_

_It was a world of variant greens. The sky shown in patches of forget me not blue. The whole place glowed. A marionette sprung to life, followed by its two brothers. They danced about floating above the ground, chased by a child with red hair and sea green eyes. It was Gaara before turning two, sweet, chubby and joyful. The marionettes were soon joined by fluttering paper cranes, white and black, purple, greenredbluepinksilver. The scene could be described in one word. Peaceful._

Temari woke up ate the 26th mile marker. The clouds had shifted, a chicken, a cat, a man a spear, a heart. It was hard when Gaara fought his disorder and it was harder when he lost. It was hardest when she remembered the time before he had to fight.

_Gaara regarded the world with dead eyes that often saw people's true natures and even if it was kindly never trusted. He trusted his big sister. When he was calm, Temari had absolute control over him. He wanted to please her. He probably didn't know that although at times she did indeed resent him and wish it were just her and Kankuro, she was proud of him everyday._

Three miles to go and she could see the faded paint of the sign. Almost there. Shikamaru smirked and Naruto waved. Shino and Kiba grinned. Home free.

A/N: no, I don't have a diagnosis for Gaara. He was made up of the real Gaara as well as little bits of stories my friends have told me about their siblings. Temari was easy to write because I am the eldest of three siblings, one of which is severely disabled, although he has physical disabilities, not mental or emotional. I'm also the only girl. I'd love it if you could review (and read my other stories and review them too!) Thanks.


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